Five fascinations

Over the past few weeks I have noticed there are a host items and inventions, that actually have no use over here in the UAE, items that most people would deem as useful and necessary.

1. Mirrors on cars - in most cases pretty damn useful, and in my opinion a necessity, to ensure your path is clear from traffic coming up behind you, over here though that is not necessary. Changing lanes is a lot simpler than that, just move over into any gap and expect the driver of the car you are cutting up has noticed your move and can slow down in time!

2. Indicators on cars - again a necessity in most countries, but over here they just seem to be lights on your car, controlled by a stick near the steering wheel, that you should never use. When I learnt to drive many moons ago, the thing you learnt was Mirror - Signal - Manoeuvre, over here it's ignore the first two and just manoeuvre. However the hazard light function is useful as with these magic little lights, you can park, double park and even triple park, literally wherever, but only as long as the hazards are on!

3. Zebra crossings - they look good and provide a guide to where pedestrians can cross the busy roads in apparent safety, however it is not to be assumed that cars will stop for you, the opposite in fact! And if you see a car approaching, the onus is on you to run the hell out of the way, which can be a bit difficult if you are wearing Havaianas or Burgenstocks!

4. No smoking signs - good idea, and nice thought, with the aim of benefiting every ones well being, however if you are seen smoking under one of these signs you are more likely to be given an astray instead of fine.

5. The green light at traffic signals - red for stop, amber for get ready, and as Murray Walker says it's green for Go! Go! Go! Not in the UAE, it's red for stop and amber for "Go very quickly"! If you haven't pulled away by the time green comes up, or actually the second amber comes up, then you are literally subjected to a blast from the horns of every car around you.